I lay here in bed with more worries than I care to mention. Crisis may be the word. Crazy is certainly another. Have you ever just wanted to leave? No, just disapear, disapear off to somewhere no-one can bother you in no way shape or form. Thats how i feel right now. Disillusioned with so many things. Friendship, love, ambition, emotion and most of all, desire. What do i desire? To be treated as an equal? To have others treat me as i treat them? Who knows! I just want to get away. Be truely by myself for a while. France? Canada? Somewhere, anywhere but here. Where i can sit, eat and drink in peace and reflect, far from the politics of the heart and mind and friends. This has all stemmed from a few recent realisations. For some reason, i've stopped caring, or just dont feel the need that i've always had to help others with problems. You notice that when you help, people often neglect to take time and sit with you to talk about your problems. Also, the constant barrage me insults, be they friendly or true, are once again starting to hit home which leads to my final point. Im suffering from depression. Its hereditary, and i've finaly realised it. Its an amazingly odd sensation to have, experiencing a problem then understanding what it is. And thats that. There may be more, but thats for another late night.
